Halloween H50 fic: "All's Fair (Seriously)"

[t_verano]

Fandom: H50
Pairing: Steve/Danny (slash)
Title: All's Fair (Seriously)
Length: ~ 1900 words
Rating: R

Written for the Halloween Hula comment fic fest for this prompt by navyvet90:
   Steve somehow ends up having to wear a ridiculous unmanly costume, like a fairy or princess or something, complete with tights and tutu, wings, whatever. (I'm picturing The Rock as the Tooth Fairy, for example.) Maybe he lost a bet and has to wear it to a party or maybe he has to do it for Grace, where they have to be a matched pair, trick-or-treating or a party, coz he can't deny her anything.
Bonus if Danny promises to reward Steve afterwards, leading to him peeling off the costume slowly and driving Steve crazy. Smexy times ensue.
Any rating, but porn would be most awesome.

Not that I achieved any actual porn here. Sadly.



All's Fair (Seriously)

"You put her up to this," Steve said fiercely the minute Grace left the living room. Danny briefly considered the wisdom of patting him down for grenades, since that was Steve's "I have portable explosive devices in my pockets and I lust to use them inappropriately" voice, but figured he was safe enough for now. Gracie would be back any moment and Steve wasn't likely to actually explode Danny in front of her eyes; fortunately, Steve did have some self-imposed limits.

Danny gestured at his ice-pack-sporting knee. "If you recall, Steven, I was supposed to take her trick or treating. Had you not been so careless as to force me to mess my knee up yet again, I would be donning my own costume right now, getting ready to take my daughter out on what should be a night sacred to father-daughter bonding. Instead, I will be lying here all evening on your couch watching a Friday the 13th marathon all by my lonesome self and popping extra-strength Tylenol, so I fail to see where any of this is not your own -- fatheaded, I might add -- fault."

"You were going as a vampire." Steve glared at Danny, ignoring practically everything Danny had just said. Not that this was a surprise or anything, Steve excelled at that. "A vampire, Danny, not a fucking --"

"Watch it," Danny warned, and Steve at least had the decency to look abashed. "She's still upstairs," he muttered, ducking his head, "but yeah, sorry, Danno."

It was ridiculous how Steve could do that, change in one blink of an eye from some sort of human/robot weapons-deployment system to a dorky twelve-year-old. Danny wanted to yank him down on the couch and kiss that stupid expression right off his face. Which, come to think of it, was probably a deliberate expression on Steve's part, since the asshole knew exactly what that kind of dorky face did to Danny's otherwise well-controlled libido --

"Uncle Steve! You need to put your costume on!" Gracie's excited voice came from the top of the stairs and Danny looked up. His heart immediately filled almost to bursting at the happiness in her face. So maybe it also hurt, just a little, to see her so thrilled at the prospect of trick or treating with Steve instead of her Danno, but it was hard to hold onto that hurt when Steve was standing there looking at Grace like an overgrown puppy whose owner had just patted it on its stupid, dorky head.

Okay, yeah, it was also hard to hold onto that hurt when Grace's arms were full of glittery and gauzy and very, very pink -- and hopefully Steve-sized, Rachel had better have gotten the sizes right -- things. For Steve to wear. All evening.

In public.

Nothing could entirely make up for Danny's knee and for missing this night with Gracie, but this? This was going to come close.

Very. Very. Close.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"Danno, don't look yet," Gracie called from the top of the stairs.

Danny slapped his hand over his eyes and waited, listening to his daughter's light footsteps running down the stairs, and louder slip-slapping noises that had to be Steve, although what the hell --

"Okay, you can look now." Grace's voice was bursting with pride and there went Danny's heart again, way too big to fit in his body, not with Gracie looking like that. She was a perfect fairy princess, sparkling and so beautiful Danny couldn't breathe for a moment. She twirled around on the tips of her toes, ballet slippers glittering with chips of rhinestones or something Rachel must've glued on, the feathery silver wings on her back fluttering a little as she moved.

Danny cleared his throat. "You're the most beautiful, magical, and most loved princess in the whole world, Monkey, you know that? I wish I could go with you tonight. I wish everybody could see me trick or treating with such a beautiful fairy princess, they'd all be so jealous of me."

"I wish that too, Danno," Gracie said, suddenly solemn. She leaned forward and kissed Danny's cheek, like she was the adult offering Danny comfort, and if Danny's heart survived tonight, seriously -- "But it's okay," she said, and smiled again, her megawatt Gracie smile. "Everybody can be jealous of Uncle Steve tonight, and we promise to share all our candy with you when we get back, so you won't have to miss everything."

Danny had to clear his throat again before he could answer. "Thank you, Monkey. I appreciate that."

Then Grace tugged at his hand and bounced up and down. "Doesn't Uncle Steve make a good fairy princess, too?"

Danny certainly hoped so. He tore his eyes away from Fairy Princess Numero Uno and looked around for Fairy Princess Numero Dos, who should've been standing right there beside Gracie, not...right, way off in the shadowiest corner of the living room where Danny couldn't see him for shit.

"Steven?" Danny said. "Front and center, princess."

Grace giggled and Danny grinned at her.

The tall, lumpy, pink and white blob in the corner moved forward, a lot more slowly than Steve usually walked. For which, yeah, Danny couldn't blame him, not after Steve made it out to the middle of the living room where Danny could see every -- single -- detail.

Jesus, Joseph, and Mary.

The tights were white, which was something of a disappointment, but Danny supposed Rachel hadn't been able to track down hot-pink SEAL-sized tights on such short notice.

On the other hand, the tights were...tight. That was a definite plus.

They were the kind of tights that stopped at the ankles, and that was a plus too, since Steve's toenails were painted with some sort of metallic pink and gold polish. And that charming fact was visible because Steve was wearing flip-flops, flip-flops that Danny was willing to bet Gracie had poured pink glitter powder all over at the same time she'd clearly poured the same glitter powder over Steve's feet, which, just yes. Oh, God, yes.

Already Danny's knee was feeling avenged, and his eyes were only now making it up to -- and this, this was it, exactly, right here -- to tutu level.

"The tutu?" Danny murmured, his eyes frozen on all those pink ruffley... ruffles. "Totally you, babe." Steve made some kind of warning sound in his throat that Danny chose to ignore, because it was the man's own fault he looked so disturbingly fuckable in a tutu, for Christ's sake. You couldn't have abs like that and thighs like that and put on an obscenely pink and skintight wifebeater and a tutu and not expect to stir things up.

Hell, no, you couldn't.

Moving right along -- before things got out of hand and Danny either laughed himself sick and hurt Gracie's feelings or...okay, there wasn't any 'or'. He couldn't exactly do anything with Steve, to Steve, any of the million and one very, very adult things he suddenly wanted to do to Steve and his sparkly feet and pink, flouncy tutu, until Grace was safely back at Rachel's. So, moving right along --

"You used a glitter pen on Uncle Steve's tattoos, didn't you, sweetheart?" Danny said. "What a...what a terrific idea."

And why hadn't he thought of that before? Steve did for tatts what Angelina Jolie did for lipstick, and watching those tattoos move under the light, glittering and alive, as he and Steve...

Whoa. Moving right along. Again.

Wings, right. The top edges of feathery pink wings sticking up over Steve's shoulders, Danny could deal with that. They looked a little undersized, actually. Again, probably not easy to find fairy-princess wings in SEAL-appropriate sizes. Understandable.

Okay, the tiara on the top of Steve's head, that Danny could've done without. It looked absolutely ludicrous, yeah, which Danny fully appreciated, but nobody in their right mind gave Steve McGarrett anything that could be mistaken for a crown. Steve already had enough issues about being in control of everything; King Steve -- Queen Steve, whatever -- would be unlivable-with.

Danny dropped his eyes from the sparkle-covered circle sitting somewhat crookedly on Steve's head down to Steve's face, which was --

Which was --

"Danny," Steve said from between gritted teeth, "shut up."

Gracie, bless her, giggled again. "I know your mom doesn't let you put on makeup yourself, Monkey," Danny said. "Did you help Uncle Steve put on his makeup? You did a really good job."

"I told him everything to do." Grace nodded vigorously. "He made funny faces, though."

"I'll bet he did," Danny said to her. To Steve, he said, "I would've paid to see that, Princess Steven. Just so you know."

Steve glared at Danny and Grace giggled some more. Danny bit his lip and didn't giggle, if only because he couldn't possibly stop laughing again in this lifetime once he started. Steve had big bright-pink blotchy circles of blusher or whatever it was Rachel used -- much more discreetly, so very much more discreetly -- on his cheeks. And glittery pink lips. And mascara on his eyelashes...okay, that was -- how did McGarrett do that with his eyelashes? His eyes looked...and really, those lips, pink and glittering --

Moving. Right. Along.

Right.

Something was missing here; okay, what was Danny...

Ah. Yes. Fairy Princess Numero Dos apparently preferred clenching his jaw and standing at parade rest to twirling, and that? That would never do. Even if the sight of Steve's tutu-wearing ass caused Danny more pain -- and it would -- it would be worth it. Steve owed him. He snapped his fingers at Steve. "Twirl, princess."

"Excuse me?" Steve's voice was not exactly friendly.

"Twirl." Danny made a twirling motion with his hand and Steve narrowed his preposterously long-lashed eyes.

His preposterously long-lashed eyes that had glitter on the eyelashes, and that just wasn't fair.

"Oh," Steve said, looking at Danny with a completely different expression and swallowing.

And batting his eyelashes. The dick.

Then he twirled. Slowly, and without anything resembling what was probably proper fairy princess twirling style, but yeah, there was the back view Danny had wanted, and Steve was still turning, turning back to face Danny, with his ridiculous costume and his willingness to do anything at all for Gracie, and fuck, his insanely perfect body.

,And all that glitter.

"Can we go now?" Grace asked, grabbing Steve's wrist and trying to tug him towards the door. "Please?"

"Let me take your picture first, you and Uncle Steve. Then you can go," Danny said, reaching for his phone and smiling.

His two Fairy Princesses, who'd come back in a couple of hours with too much candy, and Grace asleep on her feet but happy enough to light up the whole island. And Rachel would pick Gracie up, and then, then Fairy Princess Number Two would be all Danny's for the rest of the night.

Every sparkly, glittery inch of him.

Now that? That was fair.
 
 

Comments

[carodee.livejournal.com]

Whoa, that was hot. Oh so hilarious, yes, but hot watching Danny in the middle of acquiring a ferocious tutu and glitter kink. I'm so glad Steve got to see that because it just might get him through the humiliation night.

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

Seriously, hot? Cool! *beams* I hadn't really even hoped for that, it was just being fun to write. (These guys are worryingly fun to write. Sheesh.)

I foresee glitter pens and lipstick and god knows what else (Danny's probably going to have to work pretty hard to get Steve to keep that tutu around, though) in their future, yes... :-)

Thanks for reading -- glad you enjoyed it!

[carodee.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're having fun! More fic to come then. ;-)

As for hot, I personally think it's less about explicit and more about what's going on in the mind. You wrote Danny's reactions so vividly that I have a mental picture of exactly what's going to happen when Steve gets back afterward. *fans self* You're a more erotic writer than you give yourself credit for.

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

Ah, thank you! *blushing* I love the thought of 'erotic' (especially since "how Tab A slides into Slot B" isn't something I'm good at writing at all -- but yes, I so agree with you; the mind is where it's at even more than what's going on with the body).

(Oh yeah, more fic to come. One thing I'm finding hugely enabling in H50-land is the number of prompt fests; that's really helpful for my general idea-challenged state -- and there are none of those deadly deadlines. :-))

[simplyn2deep.livejournal.com]

It's the Uncle's duty to fill in when the Danno can't. And Steve so enjoyed it.

and the picture gets forwarded to Chin and Kono

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

Heh, I'm totally sure Danny will be sharing that picture with Chin and Kono before Steve and Grace even get out of the driveway.

Steve's such a marshmallow sometimes; Grace brings out the best in him. (Okay, so does Danny, but that's a whole different animal :-)).

Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

[kristen999.livejournal.com]

Hot! And wow, you really know how to max up the tension which amazing in a humor piece! I loved the 'slow reveal' of Steve's outfit and you really nailed both Steve's expressions and Danny's voice and internal monologue. I was left laughing so hard!

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

*blushes at you* I was lucky -- sometimes a fic just starts at the beginning and tells me what it wants to say next, which helps a huge amount with how things unfold (if I try to plot that kind of stuff out myself, it's generally Tank City).

I'm delighted I made you laugh (and that this was hot :-))! (And that Danny and Steve were themselves; I worry about doing justice to them, they both have such great voices as characters...)

Thanks very much for the lovely comment!

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

Steve all glittery in a tutu? Hot as hell.

I love you.

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

All that lean, leotard-and-wifebeater-showcased muscle, all that tulle; sparkling in the light... *whimpers*

*squishes you*

Funnest guys ever to write (she says in all her two-fandom experience :-))

[gritsinmisery.livejournal.com]

You are an evil person, and I worship the ground your evil thoughts go tripping lightly over.

Glitter pen on the tats? Simply inspired.

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

Heh, *you* are a sweetheart, thank you!

I can see much glitter pen use in their future, oh yes... :-)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_thelostcity/]

I would definitely pay to see that. Hot damn!

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

Me too, seriously. Steve, Steve, Steve...

Thanks for reading and commenting; I'm very glad to have enabled your Steve!Hot damn! moment! :-)

[izzie7.livejournal.com]

I loved this so much! You never fail to capture the voices of the characters you write, & this was no exception.

I have to say, the following phrase made me laugh: Steve's "I have portable explosive devices in my pockets and I lust to use them inappropriately" voice. Just perfect!

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

You have me blushing (and beaming very much) -- thank you! These guys are so beyond fun to write, but (especially in a fandom that's still so new to me) I always worry about doing the voices justice -- so yes, I'm seriously beaming here.

(And you know that's how Steve *really* feels about his grenades *loves on Steve and his adorable little hobbies* :-))

[stephaniejane2.livejournal.com]

The subtle makeup and glitter pens on the tattoos..! Hot! I could really see everything just as you described it. Very sweet & sexy.

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you enjoyed this! I certainly had fun thinking about Steve like this, and thinking about Danny looking at Steve looking like this. :-)

Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

[mab-browne.livejournal.com]

Oh, *snorfle*. At least Grace and Danny (and me) are having fun? So much fun...

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

Heh, seriously -- these guys? So. Much. Fun. To. Write. I'm delighted they made you snorfle. :-)

(I would so love to be following be-tutu'd trick-or-treating Steve around out there with a video camera, myself...)

[malfoy-manor12.livejournal.com]

I love how you describe Danno’s love for Grace and his lusting after Steve.
Really sweet!
♥

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm very nervous about writing Grace (and Danny with Grace), so I'm really glad to hear Danny as dad worked for you. (And, you know, Danny lusting after Steve, too. *identifies with Danny so much*)

[snycock.livejournal.com]

Heee! Oh, that was wonderful. Danny's voice is just perfect. And I loved his mingled lusting and fighting to control himself. And glitter pens on the tatts was inspired genius!

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

It was fun to find out that Danny got more than he bargained for with his revenge against Steve (but boy, am I not blaming him, I would be fighting to control myself too... :-)) And I can so picture Steve in glitter tattoos (and now I'm thinking wing fic to go along with the sparkle tatts -- oh, this is not good. Steve, Steve, what do you *do* to me?)

I'm so glad you enjoyed this and that Danny's voice worked for you (I got especially nervous about writing daddy!Danny, but really, I'm still nervous about doing everyone justice anyway with their voices). Thank you for reading (and for having fun! :-))

[dontbitethesun.livejournal.com]

LOL! This is totally, ridiculously funny.

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! It was very much fun to write and it makes me so happy to hear that it's fun to read, too.

Thanks for the comment!

[laurie-ky.livejournal.com]

They're going to be vacuuming glitter off the floor and finding it smeared on sheets and on Danny in places he never thought to see glittered.


::fans self:: La de DA! What a picture you drew for me. Love Steve being roped into this and Danny cheerfully plotting his revenge for the hurt knee.

The explosive expression on Steve was just perfect.

And Gracie was uber cute, but then kids on Halloween are in their element. That little girl has both of them wrapped around her finger.

Don't you think that Danny's photo of Steve would make a wonderful life sized poster for the 5-0 office? My God, the prank wars that could start.

Hey, in the beginning of the story did you mean "treat or treating" or "trick or treating"?

Laurie

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

*squishes you for the oops!catch* (*rolls eyes at self* now fixed...

I can't possibly imagine Danny keeping that photo of Steve to himself -- I kinda love the life-sized poster idea. Note to Steve: Mess with Danny and you pay and you pay and you pay... :-)

(Definitely glitter glitter everywhere...it's sort of making me want to write glitter!sex now. Hmmm...)

(Also, writing Grace -- and Danny with Grace -- scares me like crazy; I have to try to just absorb enough from the fics I've read and try to channel that kind of thing since kids and parents-of-youngish-kids haven't been in my life much for...okay, since *I* was a kid. I was glad this fic seemed to call for cute-and-awesome!Gracie; other things would've been even scarier to attempt.)

Thx for reading & your thoughts (and the "treat" catch) -- and that vision of tutu-glitter!Steve appearing in all his life-size poster glory at their office. *daydreams happily*

[duonoaikouka.livejournal.com]

So apparently I'm bad @ leaving comments... I read this first in Jan 2012 and never said how much I enjoyed this. Love the imagery and how finely you walked between the heat and the hilarity. Just the image of Steve in all that glitter and pink fluffiness XD...... And outlining his tattoos in glitter-pen. Sheer genius!!!!! Liked so much recced (http://crack-van.livejournal.com/5985760.html) on crack_van. :) Thanks for sharing with us!!

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

You're very kind, and I'm so glad you enjoyed the fic so much! It was hugely fun to write; I love that it was fun to read too (and I would so very very very much love to see those tatts outlined with a glitter pen myself :-)).

Your comment and rec were such a delightful surprise, and totally made my week -- thank you!

[zilentdreamer.livejournal.com]

Jesus, don't know whether to laugh my ass off or take a cold shower. You know what, to be safe, I'll do both.

This fic was fantastic, thank you for sharing!

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

Heh heh -- thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it (it was a lot of fun to write :-)), thank you so much for the lovely comment!